"This journey won't seem to end; I didn't realize how far away I am until I got here. I have no control over when or how - 'where' doesn't seem to matter - but only the choice to keep following those traces that lead to a greater source." ~ excerpt from journal
I had a profound experience the week after I discerned the Lord's will to go to YWAM in Denver.
I was wrestling with my thoughts during a time of worship, at a point of realization that I really did not know Jesus in my heart of hearts. Now, I've been a follower all my life - but I was convicted that I had difficulty relating to the death and resurrection of Christ, and that it impaired my ability to live a life of selfless love.
I shared these frustrations with an old friend of mine. He took me aside and prayed over me with another friend that I came with. As he did so, he drew a bulls-eye on my back, centered on my heart, for Jesus to enter. After the prayer was over I thanked him, knowing that the revelation I was asking for would take time.
Shortly after, a man I never met before walked up to me. He told me that he saw a hunter in me - hunting down my prey and seeking to capture and kill it. Now, as bizarre as it was to have a stranger walk up and tell me that, I admit I was quite flattered. Who me, a hunter? Swag! I stood there, feeling pretty good about myself, and thanked him too.
But my friend who I came with was a little more in tune with everything going on. She expressed her awe about how the two experiences were both correlated with each other.
The next morning, I was driving and thinking about what had happened. If I am the hunter, why is there a bulls-eye on my back? I imagined a leather-vested, gun-toting man stalking the woods, in search of his prey. Then it hit me. I am on the hunt for Jesus, but in reality, he's up there in the trees, drawing back his bow - waiting for the opportune moment to snipe me in the back.
What should I do? Sit down in the meadow and wait for him to come? By no means! I will show my desire to know Jesus, and I will continue to hunt him down until he finds me.
Since this time, I have continued to surrender more of myself to the Lord, and come to enjoy and realize that I need to be in his presence. I have felt an intimacy with the Lord I never thought I would. By no means can we earn his love, but by striving through discipline and commitment, we open doors that allow him to come and claim territory in our hearts.